


When The Time Comes

by skyes



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, a little bit of kiss, much being anxious about it, thinking over gotham, this is my otp and i'll go down with it, very first english fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 04:16:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6179872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyes/pseuds/skyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was ready to leave all the shit behind. He was ready to go, ready to not feel anything ever again. He was ready to die. </p><p>Except <i>he wasn't.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	When The Time Comes

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically just a ficlet I guess, also my very first thing ever in English, but I hope you'll like it :)

He was ready to leave all the shit behind. He was ready to go, ready to not feel anything ever again. He was ready to die. Or so he thought.

These feelings and thoughts had come with the job – they were vigilantes, and that’s not exactly a life insurance, so you need to face the fact that you can die any day, and the best you can do is either embracing it, or just leaving the job. That was a thing Tim couldn’t do – leave the job per se. 

The first time he realized he needed to be Robin, he needed his alter ego was when he was 14. He needed the adrenalin and the rooftops and sometimes _even the beating_. He didn’t want to admit, not even to himself for a long, long time, but he sometimes admired the certain ways of pain, the contact when someone’s fist encountered one of his bones, when warm blood wept down from his lips, through his neck, as little, scarlet rivers.

The second time was when he got his first beating from Jason. It hurt, it was evil and unexplainable. And he strangely _loved_ the anger that swept through him, that wasn’t his own, that he could sense from Jason, and he also loved that weird anticipation of death he felt when the older shoved a gun to his temple. The cold of the metal. The certainness of coming pain.

Tim was sure of being completely broken. He could have named thousands of things that ruined him, that made him the way he was. And as broken as he had been, he liked it that way. 

Probably that’s the reason why he fell for Jason. The most dangerous, most unpredictable man he knew, the one who tried to kill him more than once, who left a silver scar on his throat, almost like a mark saying _he is mine_. Though this only existed in Tim’s mind, the young man was sure of that. The affection went only one way, the love was one sided. Still, he hoped that he was Jason’s… he was Jason’s to kill. 

It was an unusually calm night in Gotham, so instead of going around in circles, he had chosen a high enough building in the center of his area and just settled there, watched over the city, and falling in love with her yet again, as he did so many times before. If he was honest with himself, he was kind of expecting or more so waiting for a slow night and was enjoying the fullest. He would have hated to stay in, and not doing anything – he always did – but being out and doing nothing _there_ was entirely different.

“Hey, babybird,” he heard from behind and was shivering because of the voice that was deep and husky as always. Most likely because of cigarettes, or because Jason was a human being made to be imperfectly perfect and enticing and dangerous in any way possible. Or was made to make Tim feel so. It was hard or impossible to decide. 

“Hey, Jason,” he returned the greeting in a low voice.

“What would B say if he could hear you saying my name?” asked the older man and even though Tim couldn’t see his face, he _could hear_ him smiling.

“He is not here,” Tim shrugged and was turning back to the city, felt his belly going into tiny knots because Jason was here and was talking to him on such a normal tune it made him feel as if everything was alright, when it wasn’t and it has never been. “And your name is really nice,” he let his lips form a little smile that was hidden from Jason’s sight.

“Now aren’t you a sweetheart, Replacement?”

Tim shrugged again. The name _replacement_ had left ice in the place of the previous and somewhat pleasant knots. 

“You have a calm night?” Jason asked again, and Tim nodded, unwilling to speak more. He was yet again afraid what he would say- and then he reconsidered it, and opened his mouth, because he needed the weight off of his heart, he wanted to tell someone how he felt. He wanted to speak to someone about those rather scary thoughts he often had. 

“There are nights like this, when I feel I am ready to die and could embrace it calmly, even if it hurts. At some point the pain just stopped bothering me,” he confessed, probably to the worst person for hearing him out ever. It’s not like Jason could react to this or forgive the sins Tim had committed. And then again, it wasn’t like Tim needed to be forgiven. He figured that Jason was _just the right person,_ if he wanted to feel pain, if he wanted to be hurt. “And on some other nights, I think that you’re the only person I wanted to be killed by. You, and no one else.”

For a moment, there was no reaction, not even a tiny noise of moving boots. Nothing. Then Jason sank beside Tim, so they were watching the city together now, in somewhat blissful silence.

“When the time comes,” Jason started slowly after just a little while, “I’ll kiss you goodbye and shot you Tim. It will be my honor.”

“I think I’m afraid of dying alone, surrounded by enemy, not knowing what will happen to my body,” Tim admitted, eyes dry and focused on one -maybe not even existing- point in front of him.

“That’s alright,” the older said, leaning closer to the third Robin, their shoulders brushing.

Tim was ready to leave all the shit behind. He was ready to go, ready to not feel anything ever again. He was ready to die. Or so he thought. But he realized, he so wasn’t. The only thing he was certain of was not wanting to die without his family, or by other hands than family.

And he didn’t want to turn anyone from his family into a killer. Except for Jason, that is. Cause he already knew what it meant to pull the trigger, and Tim trusted him with this one thing more than he trusted anyone else.

“Thanks, Jay,” he exhaled and closed his eyes for a brief moment.

“Anytime, babybird.”

“Could you kiss me before goodbye as well?” he asked not really thinking about it, and when he realized what he had just said, he felt his cheeks burning up a bit, but couldn’t feel bad about it anyway. There was again that minute of silence before Jason moved just a tiny bit, tugged his helmet off and leaned over Tim’s smaller body to brush their lips together. His mouth was cool, but not cold, it felt… _nice._

“I’m yours to kill, do not forget that,” Tim breathed and Jason just nodded and turned back to their city.

To their home.

To the place that one day, when the time comes, they would call their _grave._


End file.
